TRUMP-TRUDEAU FEUD EXPLAINED!

Written By Terence Hawkins

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SAY “DO ME LIKE THE BAD GIRL I AM” IN SLOVENIAN? JUSTIN DOES!

What follows was initially written in 2019, when I thought it far too tasteless to publish. Recent developments, however, compel me to disclose the simmering resentments that are now boiling over in what could be our first military action north of the border. As shown below, the now-returning former President turned a blind eye to events at the 2019 G7 Summit. Or tried to.

“Ah, what the hell, let the kids have their fun,” said the Prez in an uncharacteristically human moment. “I’m older than her parents for Christ’s sake and who knows what that even means in Slovenian years. And look. I may be a moron, but I’m not stupid--even with the pills I’m not exactly cutting diamonds with Little Donny, and she must get tired of the manboobs smacking her in the face.”

Terence Hawkins

Terence Hawkins is an author and literary entrepreneur. 

His most recent novel, American Neolithic, was called "a towering work of speculative fiction" in a Year's Best review in Kirkus Reviews. "Leftovers" author Tom Perrotta said it is "a one of a kind novel. . . Terry Hawkins is a bold and fearless writer." Kevin Wilson, author of The Family Fang, said "American Neolithic is overflowing with ideas, the narrative running on overdrive at all times."

His first book, The Rage of Achilles, is a recounting of the Iliad in the form of a novel. Based on the Homeric text as well as the groundbreaking work of neuropsychologist and philosopher Julian Jaynes, it reimagines the Trojan War as fought by real soldiers, rather than heroes and gods. Richard Selzer called it "masterful. . .infused with all the immediacy of a current event."

Hawkins is also the author of numerous short stories and essays. His work has been published in Eclectica, Pindeldyboz, Poor Mojo's Almanac(k), and Magaera, as well as many other journals. His opinion and humor has also appeared in the New Haven Register and on Connecticut Public Radio.

In 2011, Terence Hawkins founded the Yale Writers' Conference. By 2015 it brought over three hundred participants from every continent but Antarctica to New Haven to work with celebrated writers including Colum McCann, Julia Glass, Colm Toibin, and Amy Bloom.

Hawkins now manages the Company of Writers, offering authors' services including weekend workshops and manuscript consultation. The Company also coaches first-time authors through the writing and submission process.

Terence Hawkins grew up in Uniontown, Pennsylvania, a coal mining town famous as the setting of Phillipp Meyer's American Rust. He is an alumnus of Yale University, where he served as Publisher of the Yale Daily News. He is married to Sharon Witt and lives in New Haven.

Hawkins is currently at work on another novel.

 

http://www.terence-hawkins.com
Previous

“EACH MAN KILLS THE THING HE LOVES”: Oscar Wilde’s Collateral Damage
Next

HUSH MONEY SHOCKER: TRUMPS PAY OFF SKANK WITH TAXPAYER MONEY!